I was in my third year college, when I transferred school. I stayed in a dorm full of wonderful ladies. The year was fine, I get along with them so well. But again, maybe it just can't be helped, sometimes you will come across to a rough road. So back to my story, I was working on my thesis and I badly needed a laptop and the essential internet. Since my roommate have both of it I borrowed it for a while. I also don't have flat iron back then, I know I don't have a lot of thing I really need but I can't do anything but still, to borrow. 

        I used to borrow things I need because I thought it was fine since I don't usually borrow it, I just borrow it when I need it. I also remember texting my roommate early in the morning because she was still asleep, and I used her iron to flattened my uniform because my class is seven in the morning. Then one night she opened up to all of us. She talk to us generally but I know that she was pertaining to me. She said that it was unfair for her because it was her things that we used and her parents were paying for it while the others just borrow it. She also said that it was not right to used something asking permission in a text because she was still asleep and lastly she said that she can't use her things because others were using it. 

        After that meeting one of my roommates talk to me laughing and saying that it was all for me. Of course I know that, I'm hurt but I know that she has the right to feel that way. I remained the same to her, I talk to my roommate casually and the way we used to. I don't want her to feel that there's a gap between us. Even if I needed things I borrow it from other people and not to her anymore. I just don't want to feel that feeling again. That feeling that you pitied yourself because you don't have the things you need and end up borrowing. Maybe she felt I was abusive. That's what I think. 

       It was two years ago, so I still have that trauma of borrowing things. I was now in our province and I'm taking educational units. I am currently unemployed so I don't have the money to buy a new pair of shoes or a back pack. And so again that moment was repeated, that feeling I don't want to feel again. I was about to wear my sister's shoes because I will go to school when my mother interrupted me and ask me why do I keep on borrowing my sister's things. I end up not using it. 

      I choose to borrow rather than to ask them money for me to buy myself a new one because I don't want to cause them trouble. It's not that I always want to use things that were not mine, who would love borrowing anyway? But there will always be a moment that you will need to borrow something right? There are things that other people don't understand. They just keep on jumping into conclusions and judging you the way they see things. If it's unfair to them, don't they think I felt the same way. Completely hilarious.

     I know that I have nothing for now, but I know it will not be forever. The thing is, I wont let those events in my life to change who I am. I just don't want to pity myself for having nothing. That feeling sucks. I feel like the world is run by money or material things that if you don't have that you are a nobody, that you are worthless.

     I am just glad that I stumble upon into making a blog site. Because it serves as my diary, my diversion, my own little world where I can be the master and express my side here and my resentments. I just hope to see a rainbow soon :)